Don't Fear the Reaper

Tonight, for the fifth time in two months, I watched the last episode of the second season of Orange is the New Black.  I love that show - especially the last episode!  Every time one of my employees asks me if we can watch Orange is the New Black and we reach the very last episode, I feel all happy and excited inside!

Don't worry, I won't give any plot details away.   However, I will say that during this particular episode the song Don't Fear the Reaper plays at the very end.  There are many reasons why this song hits me like a ton of bricks, but to list them all would give the ending away.

I will, however, give one explanation (with no connection to the show at all ... well, not much anyway) as to why this song has such significance for me.  The meaning behind the lyrics of  Don't Fear the Reaper are blatantly obvious:  Don't be afraid to die because everybody dies one day; it's unadvoidable.  And yet, I think the song is also saying, Don't be afraid of living either.  Grab all of the gusto you can, because you never know when you're number is up and all of the things that you were going to do never get done.

Today, I recieved my share of the money from the sale of the condo and deposited it into the bank.  I cheered triumphantly, and then cried piteously.  I took Brittainy out for dinner at Cafe California to celebrate, but I couldn't enjoy myself completely because I felt guilty for trying to be happy.  I know it's a ridiculous notion, but it felt like I  was celebrating the last tangible piece of my mother.

I think I need to hit my mountain of guilt squarely on its highest peak an smash it into a billion pieces!

I think I need to grab me some gusto!